The Invisibility Factor

John 12:24Amplified Bible (AMP)

24 I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains [just one grain; it never becomes more but lives] by itself alone. But if it dies, it produces many others and yields a rich harvest.

So here I am.  I've been feeling completely invisible, quite often, for quite awhile.  My heart is heavy, so very heavy, because the trial has lasted so very long.   And the problem with a lengthy trial is that it will either build some serious spiritual muscle, which will glorify God, or it will completely wear you down.  Sometimes I feel like I'm screaming but no one can hear me.

But what I know is that God can hear me.  The Spirit of The Lord recently reminded me to "remember the woman with the issue of blood".  If you have been in church for any length of time, you know this woman.  She had dealt with a health issue for more than a decade, had spent all she had on doctors, but was no better.  She was invisible in her society. An outcast.  Unclean.  Unwanted.  In fact, she did not experience a breakthrough in her health until she pressed her way through the crowd that day to touch the hem of Jesus' garment.  As I type, I am seeing for the first time, that she had spent all she had on doctors, but Jesus alone (not her, with all her trying) made the difference.

My flesh, my will, my preconceived ideas of how my life should be, is dying.  I've prayed over and over again to become like Christ, and the process is painful.  When the grain of wheat goes into the ground, it experiences:

1. Darkness: You may not see your way, but when you can't trace God's hand, trust His heart.  He has not forgotten you.

2. Aloneness: People leave, or just act flaky.  But don't despair, and don't go looking for them.  This is also part of the process of getting to the destiny God has set for you.  The truth is, just being in pain for such a long time can make you feel alone. Take comfort in the fact that He will never leave or forsake you.

3. Being forgotten: It feels like life is going on, and you are in the same dark place.  God has not forgotten your prayers or your tears.  Just make sure you do not forget to consistently surrender your heart and life to The Father.

4. Coldness: It's uncomfortable in this place.  You want it to change right now, but you have no power over certain things.  Find your place of warmth in the promises of God.  Recite them.  Write them out on index cards and put them all over your house as reminders.  Believe. Believe. Believe!

5. Death! After all, that's what this is all about, anyway.  We are called to deny ourselves, to pick up our crosses daily, and follow Jesus.  Anyone who thinks they will serve God without pain and discomfort is mistaken.  Our peace comes with the fact that, although Jesus said we would have tribulation in this world, would should be of good cheer because He has already overcome this world.  Therefore, we are overcomers!

I would be lying if I said I wasn't tired of this place, but I will press.  I will lean on The Father.  I may be buried deep, but I am determined to not allow this to wear me down.

Psalm 37:7Amplified Bible (AMP)

7 Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him; fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass.