Drop Dead!

Colossians 3:5Amplified Bible (AMP)

5 So kill (deaden, [a]deprive of power) the evil desire lurking in your members [those animal impulses and all that is earthly in you that is employed in sin]: sexual vice, impurity, sensual appetites, unholy desires, and all greed and covetousness, for that is idolatry (the deifying of self and other created things instead of God).

My husband is well able to fend for himself, to speak up for himself, and to be still when God leads him to be still.  Although I know  this, I still found myself wanting to get on the phone earlier and confront someone who caused him pain.  I wanted to "fight" for him, because, well, sometimes I think I can really explain things in a way that maybe Mike couldn't or wouldn't.  As I pondered making this call, I was reminded (by The Holy Spirit, I'm sure), that my flesh is still too much alive.  When someone just drops dead, it's quick, and sometimes painless.  But when they are "killed", sometimes it's slow and painful.  Well, the Bible tells me that I am to KILL (deaden, deprive of power) the evil desire lurking in my members--my flesh.  The old Michelle, the one that was always defensive and ready to fight, even when I tried to hide it, can never be in charge again.  So here I am.  I will not make that call.  I will deny my flesh the pleasure of being "right".  The truth is that all unholy appetites-even the one that wants to tell our side of the story and demands to be right is flesh, and must be brought under subjection to God's way, or it will only create havoc.  We don't get to have our fleshy side just drop dead.  We have to do the hard work-with God's help, of course.  When you feel like going off on somebody, even if you feel they deserve it, ask God to give you grace.  When you are tempted to watch foolishness on tv, like the Kardashian mess, or one of those Real Housewives shows, where there is a bunch of cussing and celebrating evil, ask God to lead you to something entertaining that you won't have to cringe to watch.  I recently started watching "Hell's Kitchen" on Comcast On Demand, because I do enjoy cooking competitions, but those folks cuss like crazy, and it bugs me. I've been trying to just bear it to enjoy the show, but I've got to put that one to the side.  I haven't gotten this thing down, trust me, but I mean to crucify this nasty flesh so that The Holy Spirit can lead, and I follow without hesitation.  

Breathe. Yell. Breathe. Repeat.

It's funny how crazy life can be.  Our kids go back to school in 5 days and there is soooo much to do. Four of my five kids are girls, so I've got lots of hair to take care of.  Morgan wanted her hair braided with extensions.  I know how to do it, but don't necessarily enjoy all that braiding, but I got it done.  Milan, who cries when I brush her hair needed her roots touched up, because, yes, she has a relaxer to make it less stressful when I have to comb her hair.  Madison wants braids too, and I'll have to do that later on today.  Mykayla, whose hair is much like mine, which is curly, had to condition her hair so I could really moisturize it so she can wear her curls out.  I need to get ready so I can start teaching piano in September, my son has football practice every day after school beginning next week,  I have wonderful customers who placed orders that are due this weekend, and I haven't even bought one pencil or notebook for the kids' school supplies!  

So, yeah, it's a lot, and I haven't even mentioned everything on my "to-do" list, but if I don't give myself permission to sit down in between all the stuff, it's likely that I'll be going off on somebody.  I dream of being the kind of mom who just has it together.  You know the kind I mean.  She's up super early, has her devotional time with The Lord.  Then she has breakfast about done by the time her kids and husband are finished dressing.  She sees everyone off to school and work, then hits the gym, and runs errands--all while smiling and telling people "God bless you"!  She is a virtuous woman--a true crown to her husband.  All laundry is done, and by the time the kids get home, there is fresh baked bread coming out of the oven, or brownies made from scratch....well, the baking part, I kinda have, because, well,  I'm a baker! LOL!!  Anyway, her attitude is like a breath of fresh air.  She never gets annoyed with he kids' bickering.  She simply gives them the tools to hash it out and keep loving each other.  She's active in her church, and even has time to help out at school, and her husband spends much of the day thanking God for his perfect wife.

Yeah, right!  The truth is that sometimes I feel like packing my stuff and leaving for at least a few days.  Let my family miss me and realize how hard I work!  I do end up yelling things like "STOP FIGHTING OR YOU'RE BOTH IN TROUBLE!!!!"  or "Somebody, find my cell phone and my other slipper!!!"  I am not always graceful.  Sometimes I have my shirt on inside out and I'm wearing a pair of raggedy shorts, and my hair is way out of place.  I am loud.  Ask my kids.  I laugh loud.  I make silly faces at them.  I make mistakes-sometimes big ones.  I am perfectly imperfect! The thing is, I like me.  I'm okay with my imperfect self, because I am striving to reach that place that God is calling me to.  And at the end of the day, I love God most of all, my family comes next, and my dreams, endeavors, and visions, along with my businesses come third.  One of these days, I'll be in a hammock on the beach.  Today, it might just be sitting on the deck with a cup of coffee, after I've yelled at the kids for fighting over who's turn it is to wash the dishes.  But life is still sweet.

May I Take Your Order?

This is from my blog post almost 4 years ago, and I happened to see it again today.  I'm sharing it with you, but the truth is, I needed to hear this most of all!  Today I definitely need to be encouraged.  I believe that one day, God will allow me to share my testimony, but for right now, it's taking all my strength to just keep moving, when my flesh feels like pulling the covers up over my head and staying in bed.  Pressing on.  Thank You, Lord!

"May I Take Your Order?"

September 1, 2011 at 9:40am

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Many years ago, I heard someone talking about the scripture in Isaiah 40 (vs. 31) where it talks about those who "wait" on the Lord. Well, here's the actual scripture:

"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." (NKJV)

The interesting part of what this person said, was that waiting on the Lord also meant serving--like a waiter or waitress does. Now, I know that may have just been their own thought, but I think it's pretty deep. As I prayed earlier, I asked the Lord how I was to get through all the hardships I am facing at this time. I was feeling, maybe a little like being in a fight that was fixed--that there was no way I could win. But when I opened my Bible, and saw this scripture, I understood that to get through it (and give God the glory), I'd have to allow Him to give me power when I was weak, and WAIT on Him. Yes, wait on Him to change my circumstances, but actually SERVE while waiting. One of the things that makes a server/waiter in a restaurant extraordinary is their ability to serve with a smile and a pleasant attitude. As a matter of fact, if you've ever had a waiter with a nasty or uncaring disposition, you may never have wanted to visit that establishment again. The food may have been tasty, the prices may have been affordable, the restaurant may have even been in a convenient location, but if your waiter or waitress was icky, it would have likely thrown everything else off. So, with that in mind, I say to the Father, "May I take Your order?" I desire to be the best "waitress" in the Kingdom. What is life anyway, if I am not consumed with God's desires above my own? :)

I've Got This!

It's so easy to say "I trust God".  Really, truly, I want to trust Him with all my heart.  How beautiful would it be to just relax and say "Ok, Lord, this is yours.  I will find my rest in you"?  It would be wonderful!  The issue is that I keep getting distracted with all the stuff that isn't going right, and how (I) can fix it.  Well, here's some history about me.  I was raised primarily by my mother, a very strong woman who fought for what she wanted and was determined to be independent-even after my father left us.  She raised 3 girls, struggled to pay a mortgage and send us to private school, and she drilled certain things into us: 1) If you want something done, do it yourself! 2) Don't ever be the type of person whose phone call causes the person on the other end to wonder "What does she want this time"? 3) Trust a man as far as you can throw him.   Ok, so you see at least part of the reason I struggle with relinquishing control?

During my marriage, Mike has had to fight me to allow him to handle things-and sometimes to take care of me.  Trust just hasn't been my area of strength.  Maybe it's because deep down, I feel that if I give someone that power, they also have the power to break my heart--and The Lord knows my heart has endured a lot of breaks.

One of the many things I truly love about God is that He knows my fault lines.  He is well acquainted with the pain my heart has endured, and the fact that I really fight to keep loving, and even learning to trust people.  But most of all, He knows I do love Him more than any person alive, and although I haven't "arrived", I am doing better in these areas than before, by His grace and tender mercy.  I just have to keep reminding myself of what God says in His Word, and that unlike man, He CANNOT lie, so trusting Him is like writing that great big check without any thought about whether or not the funds are there to back it up.

Tis' so sweet to trust in Jesus. Just to take Him at His Word.  Just to rest upon His promise, and to know "thus saith The Lord"!

I am facing some really critical situations in my life, and I can't say that I even see a clear path to success in these areas.  I have cried what seems like a river over pain that I wish would end, but I keep coming back to a few things. Firstly, no matter what I face, God is with me, and no challenge (good or bad) makes Him any less God.  Secondly, the joy of The Lord is my strength.  If I can focus my vision upward, toward Him, I will maintain peace even in the midst of the storm.  And lastly, because of Romans 8:28, I understand that because I do love The Lord, and am the called according to His purpose, all things work together for my good, so even when I don't look or feel it, I'm cool!  I don't have to handle things on my own.  I have a real Father who is Faithful and True, and I will finish this race strong!

When you feel really flustered and want to fall apart, remember that if you are a child of God, He's got you!  And He cannot fail!

Happily Ever After

This is our love story: 19 years ago, after kissing my share of "frogs", I met Michael Bishop.  We became great friends, and started dating in less than 3 months of meeting. We fell in love, got engaged, and then had a beautiful, intimate wedding in my dad's yard, with about 110 guests.  It was just wonderful.  Right after our first wedding anniversary, we welcomed our first child, our son, Michael Solomon.   We recently celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary, and I can tell you that our marriage has been close to perfect-like a sweet dream I didn't want to wake up from.

Ha!!! Gotcha!!! Most of what I said above is accurate, but all that hoohaw about a nearly perfect union can be scratched!  Being married and trying to make 2 very different people into 1 has been interesting but quite painful. Sure, we've had great times, but there were many times I thought all this fighting was just not worth it.  I've looked at Mike in the past, and asked "Who are you? You are not the man I married!" Yes, we have talked about separating. Yes, we've gone to bed and made sure our feet didn't touch in bed. Yes, we have faced issues with our extended families, our children, our finances, and even our health.  As a matter of fact, I never thought marriage would be so difficult at times!

But more importantly,  there have been times that I laid on my side of the bed during the night, and looked at my husband's face, with only the light coming from the hallway allowing me to make out his facial features.  I've noticed, during those times that Mike has aged.  He still is very handsome,  but he doesn't look the same way he did almost 2 decades ago.  Truth is, as much challenge as we have had these past 17 years, I still believe my husband has my best interest at heart, and only wants me to succeed in life.

Marriage will make you  come face-to-face with your personal issues, and your issues with compromise, humility, and problem-solving.  It's the hardest assignment I've ever had, but maybe the most rewarding.  And I am also coming to understand that no matter what crazy situations your relationship endures, it truly takes total dependance on The Father to survive and thrive.

So, although I'd love for Mike to be "Mr. Perfect Husband", that's just not possible. He's human just like me, and I am not "Mrs. Perfect Wife" on my best day!  We must allow God to heal our personal issues, and, at the same time, stick together.  Marriage can be absolutely amazing,  but it doesn't just happen. It takes work, humility, and dependence on God!  No matter what you're facing, fight for your marriage,  and the place to start and end, is in prayer.

What's Love Got to Do With It?

When I was younger, I didn't understand why people always said "You can't love anyone else, until you love yourself".  I mean, I was nice to people.  I helped them, forgave them, and was quite loving, or so I thought.  You see, I only came to know what loving myself was within the last 15 years or so.  This means, of course, that I was around 30 when I kinda started getting it.

Before you can genuinely love yourself, you've got to know yourself.  God took me on a journey of getting to know who I was-the way He made me-originally, and not the way the happenings of life had shaped my character. For instance, I used to think I was shy and quiet.  But God showed me that life had caused me to second-guess myself and fear what people would think about me.  I didn't want to be rejected, so I became mute.  When I really began to listen to my internal dialogue, I found that I was very hard on myself.  I called myself names (not out loud, of course), beating myself up when I failed, and was pretty merciless with the one I can never escape-myself.  So, knowing I was hard on myself, but so understanding with other people, caused me to really listen to my internal dialogue when it came to dealing with others.  Remember one thing: SELF-DECEPTION  IS THE WORST KIND OF DECEPTION! What I saw was startling and scary!  I found that I was not kind and understanding with others.  Inside, I was angry and annoyed with other people.  Much of the time, I fussed at them in my mind and had negative thoughts about why they did what they did, and I didn't actually have much mercy on them.  What an epiphany!! Hallelujah!

As awful as this sounds, I've come to understand that you cannot change what you don't realize is a problem.  So my journey to self love began.  When my son was little, he'd say "Mistakes... everybody makes them!"  God allowed me to catch that! So, when I would fail in an area, I'd say what my little boy would say: "Mistakes--everybody makes them!"  This small gesture was a tool for me in learning to extend mercy--to myself, and then to others.  I got to know--and like myself, and in turn, I began to see people differently.  Now,  the temptation still comes, to be harder on myself than I need to be, but if I see my flaw or flawed behavior, admit it, repent (make a conscious, deliberate effort to turn from it), ask God for forgiveness, and forgive myself, I can keep moving forward.  So grateful that I'm never too old to learn, and I'm even more grateful that The Lord never stops teaching me! God is LOVE!

The Invisibility Factor

John 12:24Amplified Bible (AMP)

24 I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains [just one grain; it never becomes more but lives] by itself alone. But if it dies, it produces many others and yields a rich harvest.

So here I am.  I've been feeling completely invisible, quite often, for quite awhile.  My heart is heavy, so very heavy, because the trial has lasted so very long.   And the problem with a lengthy trial is that it will either build some serious spiritual muscle, which will glorify God, or it will completely wear you down.  Sometimes I feel like I'm screaming but no one can hear me.

But what I know is that God can hear me.  The Spirit of The Lord recently reminded me to "remember the woman with the issue of blood".  If you have been in church for any length of time, you know this woman.  She had dealt with a health issue for more than a decade, had spent all she had on doctors, but was no better.  She was invisible in her society. An outcast.  Unclean.  Unwanted.  In fact, she did not experience a breakthrough in her health until she pressed her way through the crowd that day to touch the hem of Jesus' garment.  As I type, I am seeing for the first time, that she had spent all she had on doctors, but Jesus alone (not her, with all her trying) made the difference.

My flesh, my will, my preconceived ideas of how my life should be, is dying.  I've prayed over and over again to become like Christ, and the process is painful.  When the grain of wheat goes into the ground, it experiences:

1. Darkness: You may not see your way, but when you can't trace God's hand, trust His heart.  He has not forgotten you.

2. Aloneness: People leave, or just act flaky.  But don't despair, and don't go looking for them.  This is also part of the process of getting to the destiny God has set for you.  The truth is, just being in pain for such a long time can make you feel alone. Take comfort in the fact that He will never leave or forsake you.

3. Being forgotten: It feels like life is going on, and you are in the same dark place.  God has not forgotten your prayers or your tears.  Just make sure you do not forget to consistently surrender your heart and life to The Father.

4. Coldness: It's uncomfortable in this place.  You want it to change right now, but you have no power over certain things.  Find your place of warmth in the promises of God.  Recite them.  Write them out on index cards and put them all over your house as reminders.  Believe. Believe. Believe!

5. Death! After all, that's what this is all about, anyway.  We are called to deny ourselves, to pick up our crosses daily, and follow Jesus.  Anyone who thinks they will serve God without pain and discomfort is mistaken.  Our peace comes with the fact that, although Jesus said we would have tribulation in this world, would should be of good cheer because He has already overcome this world.  Therefore, we are overcomers!

I would be lying if I said I wasn't tired of this place, but I will press.  I will lean on The Father.  I may be buried deep, but I am determined to not allow this to wear me down.

Psalm 37:7Amplified Bible (AMP)

7 Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him; fret not yourself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass.

Tormented

As I was driving home from the supermarket this morning, talking to God, and weeping through the pain of my current situation, and fighting to hold onto faith without wavering, I was gently reminded of Psalm 23-specifically the second part of vs. 4: "... I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me". (KJV)

But in The Living Bible translation, it reads "I will not be afraid, for You are close beside me, guarding, guiding all the way".

We all go through things in life, and giving your life to Christ does not automatically make you exempt in the trial and tribulation department.  I'm sure a lot more people would "come to The Lord" if it did.  Sometimes, in fact, it feels like the fire is turned up once we really get serious about God.  Well, I've been going through a particular trial for more than a decade, and the truth is, sometimes I just get tired.  But worse than being tired is being afraid.  If I'm going to be honest, and, hey, there's no other way I want to be, I have to admit that I've spent much of my life afraid.  I love God and believe in Him, but fear always seems to try to come lurking.  Afraid of not having enough.  Afraid of my marriage failing.  Afraid of being rejected by people-especially family members.  Afraid of being talked about.  Afraid of failing in business.  Afraid of more loss.  Afraid of failing God. Afraid. Afraid. Afraid!!!! 

But God has not given me the spirit of fear or timidity.  He has given me power, love, and a sound, well-balanced mind.  Fear makes you desperate, and desperation makes you do dumb things!  In essence, operating in constant fear makes your mind off-balance, which causes you to make choices that are not sound ones. The Bible says that fear has torment, and boy does it!!   But Hallelujah! The scripture goes on to say "But when I am afraid, I will put my confidence in You" Psalm 56:3.  The prescription for fear is to make a conscious, deliberate decision to trust in God.  So today, I choose to trust God with my marriage, my children, my finances, my health, my businesses, and every other area, because no matter what it looks like to those around me, or even to me at times, The Lord is close beside me, guarding and guiding me all the way! Now that's cause to celebrate!

The First Man in My Life

This is the last picture I took with my dad.  It was taken about a year ago.  We live in the same town, but I almost never see him.

You don't get to choose your parents or your siblings.  You get what you get, and you don't pitch a fit, as the kids say.  One of the most interesting family relationships I have may be the one I have with my earthly father.  He was the first man in my life. I love him very much, but he hasn't always been around.  The truth is, many of my other relationships have been affected by this one.  Because of this dysfunctional relationship,  I had trust issues.  I struggled in the early days of my marriage because I was so determined to be independent, and not have to be at any man's mercy.  In fact, when Mike and I first started dating, I kept waiting.... waiting for him to hurt me.  I actually expected that he would leave, like so many people do.  I hated Father's Day, because I didn't have happy memories of times spent with my dad.  I was super insecure and didn't feel I deserved to be loved.  I was angry, defensive, and very hard on myself.  Of course I knew how to hide it all.  I was really good at putting on a big, plastic smile, and laughing with those around me.  But inside, I was damaged.   Broken.  So very hurt.  It was like the little girl inside still wanted her daddy to come, hug her, and validate her worth.

The beautiful thing is that God healed my heart.  He helped me forgive my father--even though he didn't really change.  I changed, by the grace of God.  Father's Day is sweet now, because my children are blessed with a dad who loves them and is there for them.  I am learning to trust God in every area of my life, and no longer feel the need to always defend myself.  In life, people will hurt you.  After all, we are human, and we fail.  But never settle for living a life God did not intend for you to live.  Allow the pain to be a catalyst for growth and positive change.  And by all means, remember that God is not like man.  He will never abandon those who love Him and serve Him. 

No more pictures, please!

I do like taking pictures sometimes, but what bugs me is that I've noticed over the past several years, that I often seem to look exhausted in my pictures.  This picture was taken when Mike and I were on our honeymoon cruise back in May of 1998.  Aside from what looks like a healing pimple in the middle of my forehead, and Mike's needing a haircut, we look pretty good, I think.  We were young and excited about our new life together.  We were getting to know each other, and traveling together for the first time.  But I think we look pretty different than we do in recent pictures.  I often take several pictures of myself (like 10), just so I can find one decent picture.  I shoot from different angles, holding in my stomach and stretching my neck so I won't look so short.  Hahaha!!!

Well, we just celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary in May, and we've had 5 children plus 1 miscarriage.  We've had some really high highs, and some seriously low lows during our marriage.  The truth is that I am tired lots of the time.  Sometimes it's physical.  Sometimes it's emotional.  Sometimes mental.  I used to try to figure everything out, and get really down on myself when I missed something.  But God has taught me over the years to take a deep breath, and just relax.  Sure there'll be times I get it wrong, but God never asked me to be superhuman.  That's why the name of this blog is "I'm Superwoman in my Dreams".  I am human.  I am flawed.  There is much I still do not know.  But I do know that when I get overwhelmed, I need to focus on The Father.  He alone will give me grace where I need it.  So, I will keep taking and posing for pictures, and if I happen to look exhausted, just smile and know that God's grace is sufficient for me--and for you!

Bifocals!? No way!

I've had 20/20 vision most of my life.  When I was 37, I went in for my normal eye exam, only to find that I would need glasses.  The prescription was a pretty light one, but it was the first time in my life that my eyesight needed a little help.  Well, I got the glasses, and wore them now and again.  It was all fine.  Fast forward about 7 years, and at my eye exam, the doctor uses the "B" word!!! BIFOCALS!!! I couldn't believe it.  I actually cried right there in his chair because I never even considered that I may need bifocals eventually.

I was pretty mortified.  I didn't get them that day, but about 2 years later (this year), I had to face it again.  This was a different doctor at at different place, and he said some of the same things I had heard a couple of years before.  So... I bit the bullet.  I got the glasses, and guess what?  I love them!!  Wow, it's awesome to be able to see so clearly!  It's like seeing everything in high definition.  And reading is wonderful too.  The tiny print in actually visible to me again!! Woohoo!!

This whole experience made me think of how we fight things in life.  Things that don't fit into our preconceived ideas about how life "should be."  We don't expect to lose a home.  We don't expect to lose our jobs, or lose loved ones unexpectedly.  Who actually gets married with the idea that 10 or 15 years later, they will be divorced or widowed?  Life is precarious, and some of things we experience are things we wouldn't want to see anyone go through, but God has an amazing way of turning mourning into dancing.  I have had a lot of loss in my life.  But what I am finding is that some of the things that have made me most uncomfortable have also made my vision clearer.  Pain is pain, and let's face it.  It stinks.  But it's part of this life, and beauty can definitely come out of pain.  I always say "It makes no sense to go through a trial, and not come out better than when you went into it.  If you come out the same, it was a waste of time".  Keep smiling, and never lose hope!

Where's My Knight in Shining Armor?

I looooove those mushy movies.  You know-the "chick flicks".  The ones where the couple starts out good, and then something crazy goes down-like some huge misunderstanding, or unconsenting parents who think their child is too good for the other person tries to keep them apart, or one person has to move away to another country.  I watch the movie, hanging on every word, to see what happens.  I feel like I'm on a roller-coaster.  I'm filled with hope and excitement, and anticipation, and concern, and sorrow.  And when the guy travels across the world to get his girl, or does whatever it is that he has to to assure her of his undying love, I feel like screaming!!  I mean, I love love!  

It may sound corny, but I think most women want to have a guy who will go to the ends of the earth to make her secure in his desire for her.  And I'm not talking about sex.  It's way deeper than sex.  No matter how independent and strong we are, we really want to be pursued, and desired.  In essence, outside of his love for God, we want, and need to be the center of his universe.  Sometimes marriage becomes mundane.  We've got bills, and kids, and family drama, and even heath challenges as we age.  Do I believe the husband should do all the work?  No. But I'd love to shout from the mountaintop, "Men, pursue your wives!  Don't allow her to feel neglected! Never take her for granted! And if you have to travel to the ends of the earth to show her just how much she means to you, by all means, do it! I promise-she will make it worth your wile!" 

I realize that marriage goes through seasons.  Some seasons are happy and wonderful.  Some are crazy and uncertain.  Some days I feel really in love with my husband.  There are other times I feel like I'm searching for something to hang on to.  I've always been strong, but I need my knight.  And I will always need him.

I Want To Make it Better--But I Can't

Being a mother is so wonderful, in so many ways.  Sometimes I am still amazed that God would trust me with 5 lives to shape and direct.  He absolutely gives me the grace to parent, but man, oh man!  There are times when my kids go through painful things, and all I want to do is fix it!  I mean, let's face it. It can be difficult to let go of being "The Fixer".  Take my son Michael for instance.  He will be 16 next month.  He'll be a junior in high school in August.  I keep thinking about how close he is to adulthood, and I kind of panic when I see a character flaw in him. I want him to go out into the world as a responsible, respectful, productive member of society.  And that window of opportunity is closing for us, his parents, to truly direct his behavior.  We've kind of got to get it in while we still can, right?  But as my children have crossed over into young adulthood, I am made keenly aware of the fact that the world can be cruel, and that, like me, my babies.... uh... I mean... teens, have to face disappointment and pain sometimes.  I'm their mom.  I want to make it better!  I want to fight the battle-or at least help in the battle.  But, that is not always my position anymore.  This is the time that all the years of instruction and late night talks, and prayer, most of all, are drawn on, to guide them.  It hurts me to see my young adults hurt, but I must not step in to fix everything, or they may not know they have what it takes inside to come out of that situation victoriously.